I sometimes wonder if the male and female of the human species were ever meant to be together. On one hand, men keep wondering why women are so complex and on the other hand, women keep wondering why men are so simple. It’s a paradox that only gets resolved in bollywood flicks… apparently. Boy sees girl, girl sees boy and they know they are made for each other. It helps that they’re both gym toned and look like Gods, I suppose. I don’t want their love story anyway, it’s too much about falling in love with an image and nothing about the realities. But what about the love story of all us ugly normal people? The ones who eat ice cream on a date and snort it out accidentally while laughing, the ones who give men flowers and cards and cry the whole night when they feel they’ve offended them? What about losers like us? I guess there’s always the old refrain of parents know best. I have never liked playing roles anyway so the good daughter role doesn’t fit me. Besides, my mother clearly told me that she has ‘better things to do’. Which is one of the trillion reasons why shes the perfect mother but that’s another story.
Well, considering that I had to find love, I started out as soon as I got rid of my braces, for obvious reasons. After my first relationship I realised that I was more in love with being in love than I was with the actual person. I never felt love in the traditional sense, it was always in the hopeless sense. I’ve always fallen in love with the retreating back of an ex- boyfriend. Reatreating since I didn't know how to tell him that I wanted him to show me that he loved me, more often. I have also fallen in love with a man who I knew I would never have a future with. I willingly fooled myself into believing that ‘in the future’ we would succeed in keeping in touch long distance and our relationship would continue because he ‘couldn’t help’ being in love with me. How naïve is that? Pathetically naïve.
Thats all in the past now. I look back on all my impulsive, foolish behaviour and wonder if some of the men were even worth it. Probably not. I don't regret anything. Atleast I don't regret being hurt. But I do regret hurting people.
Anyway, at present I am with an amazing guy who makes me forget everyone else. He's the right blend of masculinity, sensitivity, intelligence, responsiblity and arrogance which I find very attractive and he cares about me too. I couldn't be happier right now and I am at peace with the world. For the first time I feel secure and satisfied. It's weird and unusual for me because at one level, I had grown to enjoy the pain of being rejected. I suppose I had martyr's syndrome. Needless to say, I don't have it anymore. I'm on the path to being normal and I suppose this is as good a time as any to put away my butcher's knife.
Life sure is beautiful. It never fails to get you back on top when you're quite sure that you're stuck at the bottom. It brings you down time and time again, but then, thats what makes the happy parts worth the wait...right?