I've been away... Went out of town to take a break from taking a break. Been on a study break for a year now. Did various things. None of them involved mastering a skill or discovering an epiphanous truth about myself. Unless you count discovering my ability to vandalise my hair as epiphanous. I first got my beautiful long hair cut till it looked like a freshly mowed lawn. Next as if that wasn't enough, after it had grown to a decent length I cut myself a fringe. My brother thought I looked like friar tuck from robinhood. Although I had a good laugh initially, I am now rueing my rash decision... (a sentiment that has been very familiar to me for most of my life). Nothing in life seems so bad that it cannot be tried once...
Most of my time during this 'break' was spent in trying (real hard) to be productive. Unfortunately, on many days I just got up and drifted towards the tv and watched it till I felt sick. As I drifted I collected assorted debris that I used to build a nest of sorts in front of the tv. This so that I could spend uninterrupted hours watching the interesting lives of other people. Short of bringing the loo closer to the tv room, I had everything I needed within arms reach.These items included, my watch- to remind me to feel guilty about how much I was pickling my brain, the remote, food and water and the phone. On days like these, I did have moments of productivity. They were like streaks of light on an inky night sky and most often involved running errands either for my grandmom or for myself...
A large part of the past year has been spent in dealing with many personal problems, ranging from understanding my parents better to coming to grips with my identity and feeling comfortable with who I am (a big problem area for me). I've done a lot of thinking and crying and I now feel better equipped to handle my future than I did last year.
I have learnt many lessons in the past year. Primary amongst tham are that I am not a very talented hair dresser and that sometimes change sneaks up on you and chomps you on the butt. I have also learnt that loving a person with every particle of your being isn't enough for them to love you in return (no matter what they say in the movies). Most importantly, I have learned that I love writing. This I shall do much more of in the coming years as I have found that it is as addictive as dancing and making out.
Most of my time during this 'break' was spent in trying (real hard) to be productive. Unfortunately, on many days I just got up and drifted towards the tv and watched it till I felt sick. As I drifted I collected assorted debris that I used to build a nest of sorts in front of the tv. This so that I could spend uninterrupted hours watching the interesting lives of other people. Short of bringing the loo closer to the tv room, I had everything I needed within arms reach.These items included, my watch- to remind me to feel guilty about how much I was pickling my brain, the remote, food and water and the phone. On days like these, I did have moments of productivity. They were like streaks of light on an inky night sky and most often involved running errands either for my grandmom or for myself...
A large part of the past year has been spent in dealing with many personal problems, ranging from understanding my parents better to coming to grips with my identity and feeling comfortable with who I am (a big problem area for me). I've done a lot of thinking and crying and I now feel better equipped to handle my future than I did last year.
I have learnt many lessons in the past year. Primary amongst tham are that I am not a very talented hair dresser and that sometimes change sneaks up on you and chomps you on the butt. I have also learnt that loving a person with every particle of your being isn't enough for them to love you in return (no matter what they say in the movies). Most importantly, I have learned that I love writing. This I shall do much more of in the coming years as I have found that it is as addictive as dancing and making out.
2 comments:
a serious upgrade over the previous two posts...liked this one a lot
I seem to discover things about myself all the time (Usually at the end of some kind of peprsonal crisis). And I still think I dont know enough...
And yeah giving something a hundred percent often doesnt always translate into satisfaction or happiness
Hmm..this means you've actually read all my posts :o)...Giving something a hundred percent doesn't always translate into satisfaction because our expectations come in the way. Doesn't mean we shouldn't expect anything...that's just pathetic. Just that expectations make it hurt more... I've had this huge argument with a friend who says she isn't going to do anything about her crush on someone because she's sure he doesn't like her. I'm the opposite. I'm quite sure that I'm very lovable so I go right ahead and say and do whatever I want. Just that it hurts when I get snubbed... :o)
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